"WITHSTAND THE WHATNOT"
Lyrics and Credits

THE ONLY BLACK GUY AT THE INDIE-ROCK SHOW

At every single show, I am the only one who looks like me; the only sign of melanin in one big sea of ivory. My FUBU shirts and Tommy jeans…their bowling shirts and dirty Vans…I look just like a thug amongst the dressed-down Pavement fans. It shouldn't even matter that I'm the only black guy at the indie-rock show. I stand in a crowd and still feel alone. Some loser at the Mercury said, "I just want to let you know Jay-Z's at Austin Music Hall. I think you're at a different show" (that's not funny, man). Everyone is standing still (nodding heads and folded hands), looking at me like a freak because I have the nerve to dance. I ask my black friends to try out something new and come with me to the show; they're so reluctant to go. There's more to music than rap and R&B, but they say rock is a white man's game. I know Chuck Berry wouldn't feel the same. I told a white friend the opening band was "crunk." He didn't understand the slang. He asked if I was in a gang. I wonder if I will live to see the day when I see rock bands on BET and black girls dance to GBV…and I wonder if white folks who like Jay-Z often feel as alienated as me.

Sean Padilla - vocals, electric and acoustic guitars, bass, drums, synthesizer, piano, computer
Gabrielle Thomas and Natasha Greene - introduction

LITTLE AFRICA

This is our personal section of the Student Center. This is where all the white students are scared to enter. This is where we meet to catch up with all our friends. This is where the gossip begins and where it ends. On campus, we're a two-percent minority. We have our own distinct social community. We stick together, Velcro-like, and mobilize. What else can you do when you are ostracized? This is where most of our afternoons are spent. This is where the Greeks pass flyers out for events. This is where we sing and dance around the TV. Don't you dare change the channel off of BET! You can find out who's dating and who's online. "Little Africa" will clue you in at any time. You never really know what drama will come to pass when you visit "Little Africa" between each class. Trading jokes with Tyrone about choir practice…Brandon and Annette sharing a chicken sandwich…Sadiki and his Filipino paramour…Keenan gives me dirty looks; who knows what for? Cathy hugs me for no reason at all. Amanda stalks me, asking why I didn't call. Mrs. Beverly checks up on me like I'm her son. Watch out for Floyd; he's pulling out a water gun! RUN!!! When we speak, we're the only ones who hear our voice amongst the thirteen thousand…so we have no choice but to stick together, Velcro-like and yearning for a campus that doesn't look like "Higher Learning."

SP - vocals, electric guitars, bass, drums

WEEKEND GIRL

We live on opposite ends of the state. Five days apart is an excruciating wait. On gas and phone cards I spend so much…anything that enables us to keep in touch. I've dreamt about your pretty face all week: your big brown eyes…your crooked smile…your apple cheeks. I often wish that you would transfer here, but absence? It only makes our QT much more dear. I spend all week 300 miles away from my girlfriend. I make the drive so we can be together each weekend. I know the sacrifice I make is worth it all in the end, 'cause I'm always grateful to see you again. Against the Friday sunset, we embrace…worn out from school and work, so we chill at her place. I rent some videos and rub her feet as we catch up on the events of the last week. On Saturday, we cruise through BMT. Sunday, there's church and dinner with her family. It's getting late, but I don't want to go. I kiss her one final time and drive off, super-slow. Another week 300 miles away from my girlfriend, and five more days of patient longing to endure again. I know the stress that I go through it worth it all in the end, 'cause Friday we'll do it all over again. I'm often frustrated (that you're so far away from me), and tempted to find a girl I can see more frequently. I know that you go through the same exact temptations too, but I'm a faithful boyfriend and I have faith in you. We'll be strong 'til we meet again.

SP - vocals, electric guitars, bass, drums, percussion, xylophone

YOUR THINGS ARE IN THE YARD

"No, it wasn't your fault that Daddy hit me, and no, it wasn't because of you I cried." He thinks we're fighting because he lost his homework. Why don't you tell him I caught you in a lie? He keeps saying sorry for things he hasn't done. How can I explain this to a boy so young? "Your father won't be living here much longer. I know you'll miss him, but it's all for the best…and just because we happen to be fighting doesn't mean that we love you any less." And now that he's seen you raise your hand at me, you've also added insult to injury. That's why I put your things out in the yard, so pick them up before the thieves and beggars come to snatch them up…and don't complain when your things ain't there, because you're too busy shacking up with that home-wrecking ho to even care! God forbid my son abuse a woman because he saw you and thought it was the norm! For a while, my bed will feel so empty; this extra blanket will keep me snug and warm. I'm sure that she satisfies you physically. You'd better hope she cooks as well as me.

SP - vocals, electric guitars, bass, drums, synthesizers, computer

FRESHMAN GIRLS

Freshman girls don't know how to get around campus, but they sure know how to get around campus. You see them at the parties, surrounded by a bunch of guys (like buzzards in a circle, waiting for their prey to die). Show your baby fat off in that skirt. Be a magnet for all of those jerks. Be a groupie for all those frat boys, who'll use you as their temporary toys. The guys know younger girls will fall for the weak game that they spit, 'cause women their own age already know all of their tricks. They know your mind is still a bit naïve. Whatever they say you will believe. Whatever they ask of you, you'll do, but they'll quickly do away with you. You'll take advantage of your newfound freedom however you can. You've dated high school boys for too long; now you want a college man. Well, I think the myth that college men are more mature should be retired, 'cause some of us grow up and some of us just become better liars. This is how sweet freshman girls end up as jaded junior women. Don't let these guys make you dive into a pool too deep to swim in.

SP - vocals, electric guitars, bass, drums, chromaharp
GT & NG - introduction

FIFTEEN PERCENT, PLEASE!

Did your pizza not come on time? Did your order not come correct? Did we not serve you with a smile? Were you not treated with respect? Well, if so, then why'd you stiff? All that I am asking for is a decent tip. I really should be compensated in some form for wearing this pink polyester uniform. You act as if I don't have any bills to pay. Minimum wage? It barely gets me through the day. …and the streets are never on the maps…and their dogs chase me in the yard…and my customers? They talk to me as if I am some kind of retard! Almost every night I escape either a robbery or crash…and my car goes through such wear and tear, and I spend my whole damn check on gas. You say my job is easy? Well, you're full of it. If you knew, you would give me a good tip. You act as if you're broke but I think you're just cheap…and the 12 bucks you spent could feed you for a week if you bought groceries from the local HEB, but laziness and impatience made you call me.

SP - vocals, piano

MY BLESSING

It hasn't been long since you put your ex on the street, but now there's a new guy that you want the family to meet. You say the last two were frauds, but he's genuine. You're setting yourself up to go through drama again. He wines and dines you, and plays basketball with the kids: things that it's been a long while since your last husband did…but after he's charmed his way into the household, will the warmth that you feel in your heart suddenly turn cold? Anyone can come along and look like Superman after so long sleeping with THAT horror of a man. Call it paranoia or just call it second-guessing, but I'm not ready to give you my blessing. You haven't had time to recuperate from the pain. It's way too soon to re-enter the dating game. Your first two husbands were princes on the first date, and look how they both turned out? I think you should wait. You say I'm cynical, but I say you're too quick to trust. He's put you on a pedestal so now you're in a rush…but true love takes some time! I thought that you'd have learned this lesson. We both need time to think before I give my blessing.

SP - vocals, electric guitars, bass, drums
GT & NG - outro

MANHATTAN SKYLINE

The Manhattan skyline threw me off…like a hand with two fingers chopped off! I took for granted what I'd see each time I rode the D. My cousin said to me, "I'm glad you left NYC. I walk around so scared. I wish I could move down there." I roamed the campus in a daze, jaw in my hand and eyebrows raised. The news looked like an action flick. It made me feel so sick. My Middle Eastern friends got taunted to no end. They hid inside their dorms, awaiting the next Desert Storm. "Hey Sean, ain't that where you were raised? Tell me your family's okay!" Phone lines were cluttered for three days, and paranoia had its way. My aunt worked in the Towers…overslept two hours, and she woke up to see her life spared right on TV. The city's wounded, but it's strong, left with no choice BUT to press on…or remain paralyzed in fright (some passengers just might)…and every single block is overwhelmed with cops…and I know exactly why I stare at the planes in the sky.

SP - vocals, electric guitars, bass, drums, Rhodes piano

STEP SHOW SONG

People who don't even go to class (they're going to the step show)! People who don't even go to college! People who graduated YEARS ago! Everybody who's anybody is going to the step show. Fraternities, they bark like dogs on a leash about the year their frat was born. Sororities, they squeak like birds in the trees. That's why my hearing is deformed. We've been speculating and examining the clues all the time, and now we get to see which of our hiding friends are going offline. Ladies trying on their new clothes! Brothers practice their pickup lines! Curious white culture slummers! You've got to be some kind of acrobat to do that kind of stomp-and-slappin'. We bring the drama like an off-Broadway show. You never know just what will happen. Will the randy thugs stomp and slap each other up in a full-scale fight, or will they instead save it for the after-party that they go to that night? The Alphas and the Deltas stomp mud holes in the floor. The Sigmas clown and make us laugh 'til we can't take no more. The AKAs, they talk so mean, and the Zetas just look bored. The Kappas twirl their canes. The routines never change. You see the freshmen wait for hours to get a decent seat. When the doors to Barfield open, you witness the stampede. Standing on the chairs as if the floor will eat their feet…you're obstructing my view! I'd like to see the step show too. Soon everybody's got a number and name, and three Greek letters on their shirt. You want to get a reputation at school? Well, pledging Greek, it doesn't hurt…but I can't dance to save my life, and I don't have time…and I'd beat somebody up if they hazed me hard enough. That's why I'm not online.

SP - vocals, electric guitar, organ, bass, drums, computer, sampler, stepping
GT & NG - vocals

THE THUGS HAVE LEFT THE BUILDING

You stepped on my shoe. You looked at my boo. You talked so much noise about me to your boys. You walked into me. I hate your fraternity. I hate your sorority. All I needed was a stupid reason to get my money's worth and give you a beating…and now there's blood on my finest suit. My fists are sore, and I've worn out the soles of my boots. The crowd won't mind going home early just because I screwed up the party. I'm pretty sure that they will understand. I had to show them who's the bigger man. No, it couldn't wait until the party was through. I did what I came here to do. What about you? I may use a fist, or pull out a gun: whatever it takes to get the job done. The girls are running scared. They need the exercise. Maybe it'll get rid of all the stretch marks on their thighs. The crowd won't mind wasting their money just because I screwed up the party. The police siren is more musical than what the DJ plays on his tables, and all my cellmates give me much more love than any of the women in this club.

SP - vocals, electric guitars, bass, drums, sampler
David Lobel - saxophone
Brandy Taylor - "invisible flute"

TELEMARKETING SONG

Appliances, toys for kids, deals on magazines, insurance plans, debt programs, and get-rich-quickly schemes. Cooking contraptions to make supper sweeter on your tongue. Pills and crèmes and ab machines to keep your body fit. Videos of college hoes showing off their ass and tits. CD collections of songs that were hits when you were young. And if you call right now, you'll get a bonus gift totally free (just pay 12 bucks to have it shipped). Normal delivery's about a month or two, but 10 bucks extra can get it rush-shipped to you. And to say thanks to you for ordering from us today, we'll send a no-obligation, risk-free trial membership your way. Enjoy our many discounts from the Gold Star Savings Club today, and you won't have to pay anything back for the first 30 days. The advertisers are the pimps, the telemarketers are hoes, and you're the lecher who just caught a nasty STD. The hoes are first to get the blame, but you're the one who lost control, spending money you don't have on things that you don't need…and the customer service line is jammed. The PO box is fake as well, 'cause all good pimps know how to keep their dirt on the down low. The product doesn't even work, and now your credit's shot to hell…and good luck getting help from the Better Business Bureau. You never bothered to do any research first. You'll be lucky if it arrives, let alone works. Whatever the commercial says, you will believe. We accept credit cards, but we don't do CODs…and every 30 days, you'll get a new supply. Keep only what you want (no minimum to buy). Your credit card will be billed automatically. Cancel anytime; satisfaction guaranteed!

SP - vocals, electric guitars, bass, drums, synthesizer, computer

UNTIL MY HEART HEALS

If you told me that you loved me and I didn't believe you, it wouldn't even be your fault…but after getting my heart broken one too many times, certain lines just can't be bought. All I need is my Lord and my rock and roll, 'cause neither's ever let me down…and I seem to keep getting disappointed by every girl that comes around. I don't want to be misogynist, but I feel venom in your kiss, though it might not even actually exist. You might be worth your weight in gold, but there's no way that I would know 'cause my discernment has been robbed by one too many hoes. A relationship is something I'm not ready to be in. Until my heart fully heals, it's best that we just remain friends. I'm just trying to protect myself from getting hurt again, 'cause you seem really nice and I don't want you to pay for her sins. All the drama that she put through? Well, I can't take it out on you 'cause those are things you probably won't do. I may be too screwed up to see the jewel right in front of me…but then again, you just might play the same mind games with me…so just be patient with me.

SP - vocals, electric guitars, bass, drums, chromaharp
Sarah Synder and Niema Leblue - vocals on outro

FINALS SEASON

All the info I missed out on this semester, I now have to learn in a matter of days. Next semester, I will study weeks in advance. My memory sucks, so cramming doesn't pay. Sleeping through the lectures, when I didn't skip them: neither were intelligent choices. Now my face is buried in six different textbooks, wishing I could learn this crap through osmosis. I've been studying all night 'til early in the morning…running on coffee and pep pills, but I'm still yawning. How will I turn this 2.1 into a 3.6? Whoever said that college was the good life's full of it. The campus seems to shut down on finals season; all the hangout spots close early. I try to call my friends up to get fresh air, but they're cramming too 'cause they're lazy like me. My forehead is covered with words written backwards: the ink on the page mixed with sweat from my brow. How badly can I bomb the exam and still pass? My brain is overloading…I must sleep now…and when my bloodshot eyes stare at the scantron, and I can slowly feel it all leave my brain, I'll spend the next few hours cursing the professor when I know I only have myself to blame.

SP - vocals, electric guitars, bass, drums, accordion

LITTLE LEAGUE (a.k.a. The Continuing Adventures of Baby Brother)

When I was a little tyke, I played with books and wires…quiet, skinny as a rail, not an athlete or a fighter. My 7-year-old bro is built like a quarterback. He makes my shoulders hurt when he jumps on my back. I got better grades in school, but totally sucked at the gym. He's an athlete through and through; I live vicariously through him. I ain't sayin' that he ain't smart, and I ain't sayin' that I ain't strong, but if comparisons must be made, I'm the brains and he's the brawn. At little league, he completely owned the field. When the pigskin's in his hand, opponents have to yield. Helmet and uniform looking so C-U-T-E, like a mix between a Dallas Cowboy and Mini-Me. One boy tackled my brother. They didn't fight or cry, but my overprotective mama wanted to cold-cock his eye…and when the game was over, he felt like an NLF star, but when we got home he asked me, "Can I play your guitar?"

SP - vocals, acoustic guitars, bass, drums, synthesizer
Khadeem Charles and Nassiera "PJ" Jones, Jr. - outro

I FORGIVE YOU I'M SORRY

If you see me, do not hesitate to say hi. You broke my heart, but enough time has gone by to get rid of the bitterness I held inside. To be civil with each other, we must try. Your infidelity? It made me so upset that I said and did some things that I truly regret. In the long run, this anger does me no damn good; it hurts me so much more than you possibly could. I cannot say what you did was not wrong, or that I should not have dismissed you all along, but I just want you to be in my memories as an ex…not a mortal enemy. I cannot rest until this enmity departs, 'cause bile keeps on flowing through the vessels in my heart…and loving myself is something that I cannot do if I spend my every waking hour hating you. The story began with the two of us as friends, and (I know it will be hard, but) that's how it should end…and I know we'll never get a second chance as lovers. The least that we both could do is stop hating each other. I forgive you for being unfaithful. Please forgive me for being so hateful.

SP - vocals, electric guitars, bass, drums

TEMPTATION SONG

For personal reasons, I am not publishing the lyrics to this song. Listen to it on headphones and you'll be able to figure most of them out.

SP - vocals, electric guitars, bass, drums

SECOND CHANCE

I'm too broke to pay the bills and raise the kids on my own. My son's too young to understand why his dad isn't home. I am way too scared to spend the rest of my life alone. I'm too old to go on dates with a new guy every week. I'm too soft to put grown men out on these cruel streets. The bed's too cold without you here to get a good evening's sleep. He says I shouldn't take you back, and I know he is right…but sleeping with another's wife is sinful in the Lord's sight. So, I have got to cut him loose, and he won't like that at all…but if you screw up one more, you know he'll be the first I call. You've got your second chance; you've begged and pleaded long enough. I vowed to stay with you when times are good and when they're rough. Don't get complacent and repeat the crimes that caused me pain. You've got your second chance --- a third one you will NOT obtain. If you ever hit me again, I'll throw you down a couple of flights, and if you cheat on me again, I'll castrate you while you sleep at night. If you neglect our son, I'll make the state take money out of your check…and no, we can't make love tonight 'cause I don't fully trust you yet. The pastor preaches to forgive until I wish I was deaf, but I've been slapped around so much that I've no cheeks to turn left. But "until death do us part": the promise I made with you. I hope Heaven's worth the hell that I have had to go through with you.

SP - vocals, electric guitars, bass, drums, percussion

WHY DO I BOTHER?

Why do I bother diving into the dating pool when I already know who I want (and there's just no changing that)? Try as they may, but no other girl can move me like you do. You've taken control of me…too bad you don't want me back. My friends say I should shop around; their advice I do take. I flirt with my classmates and I go on all kinds of blind dates. I have even tried an exclusive relationship or two…but these women could only become piss-poor substitutes of you. Some are pretty, some are kinda sweet…many of them are smart. I could make the perfect girl out of their best component parts. You're already here; why would I do something dumb like THAT for? You're already here; you're everything I could ask for and more. Probably, I've damned myself to spend my adulthood alone, but if I can't be with you, I would rather be on my own. It would be so foolish of me to make a commitment to women who don't move me half as much as you have…and still do. How I wish you wanted me back!

SP - vocals, electric guitars, bass, drums, computer, Rhodes piano, harpsichord
Aisha Sims & NL - interlude

THIRD WHEEL SYNDROME

The cutest of couples, you're always inseparable, and watching you two makes me so (un)comfortable…and I am so grateful you both can call me friend, but all this tagging along has got to end. I'm sick of deciphering your inside jokes, and when you two kiss, I feel like I could choke. Whenever we're riding, the backseat is saved for me. You're fine on your own; you don't need company. I feel like such a third wheel when I'm with you two, and I would like to have a bike to call my own. 'Cause even when invited, I feel like I intrude…so thank you, but no thanks. Tonight, I'm staying home. Please don't be offended if I decline. I swear I'm not jealous. I swear I'm fine. "But sweetie, without you we just don't feel complete!" Yes, I admit the sentiment is sweet, but that's just another case of 'too little, too late.' Maybe when I get hitched, we'll double date.

SP - vocals, electric guitar, organ, bass, drums, synthesizer
Davis Comeau - cello

SOAP OPERA SONG

Soap operas…they have no other function (but) to catalogue upper-class dysfunction. We waste our afternoons staring at the screen. We keep up with the plots in weekly magazines. Writers throw all kinds of twists in the plot for no apparent reason. Characters die and come back to life three times in one season…and everyone is fighting for their dead father's inheritance, and everyone is screwing each other's spouses or their best friends. All the characters live on mansions on the hill. None of them are broke or behind on the bills…and folks of color are nowhere to be found, 'cause they all seem to live on the sitcom side of town. Even when they cry, their hair and makeup stay intact. Actors be on shows for decades, yet they never learn how to act. Ladies know the shows make no sense, but yet they still act ign'ant…hollering at the television: "OH NO, THAT HEIFER DIDN'T!" All my bold and beautiful children follow the guiding light to the general hospital 'cause they're young, they're restless, and they only have one life to live. They're bungee jumping off our suspension of disbelief. There's got to be something better to watch than this…yeah, something's gotta give. Soap operas…like cocaine for the vision. Many people turn these shows into addictions. Actors perform as if they haven't had rehearsals. Climaxes are interrupted by commercials. Cliffhangers end every episode --- what sorrow! No fear, my dear: the story will resume tomorrow.

SP - vocals, electric guitars, bass, drums

HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE

Oh Lord, hold me accountable for all of the things I do and say. Teach me how to live according to Your word, to be more like You with each new day. Convict me of the things, be they big or small, that hinder me from being who You want for me to be…and let my life become a testimony of transforming power that will draw more people unto Thee. My words, my actions, and my thoughts are far below Yours…make them as one! Discipline and bless me in the manner that a father would use toward his son…and if I go astray, reach out to pull me back toward the path upon which You have ordered all my steps, that I may live each day in full assurance that I'll stand before You after I have taken my last breath. The album's over now.

SP - vocals, electric guitars, bass, drums
DL - saxophone
GT & NG - outro

All songs 2003 Copyright Control